I left my job May 29th 2016 and became a full time care giver when my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer. He got into a car accident hours after we had become engaged, and hours before they discovered the brain tumour and cancer in his lungs. Less than a week later, he had […]Read More Autopilot. Stuck there, still here.
It’s been 10 weeks and 3 days since he died. Two months plus one week. 72 days. I watch a lot of TV in the evening. First I read news, or write emails, or call someone. Then other than little visits with my scarce 17 year old son here and there, and doing dinner, I […]Read More Dry Days
Im going to go ahead and just say now, that I haven’t found some positive message or twist to add to the end of this post. Don’t wait for it, it isn’t going to happen. It’s just pure negative drivel. This is your chance to back out before it’s too late. Last Sunday it was […]Read More Journal Entry. Warning. Depression Ahead.
“Do you see it, over here, on my side.” I would look at V’s face to see where his eyes were directed and then try to help direct him with a slight nudge to his chin. Then he would get stressed that I wasn’t looking where I was driving, “look at the road”, he would […]Read More Silos
You would think, three and a half years would be enough time to get things figured out. Say what you need to say, do what you need to do. I have learned, that no matter how much time you have to say good bye to your loved one, it’s not enough. Knowing your loved one […]Read More I’m sorry
My brain is flickering, there is static and mixed frequencies, and the signal is weak. 35 days in. My thoughts and attempts at stories are fragmented. I am very sure these posts are terrible to read and not just because they are depressing. I am sure my husband would praise my effort, but he would […]Read More It Occurred To Me
31 days in. He is still not here. I have been sick, and felt isolated and down on energy. I have spent way too much time in the house. It’s silly, but I seem to have been waiting for signs of his spirit. It is just so difficult to accept that he is just not […]Read More There goes Christmas.